i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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