are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
