u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
