I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
