found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
