I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
