Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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