haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
