Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
