I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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