I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
