Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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