New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
