problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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