hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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