Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
