He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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