i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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