I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think my moral compass just broke
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
