if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
