have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
