I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
