Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
