From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
