just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
