roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
