He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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