We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
