i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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