I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
