My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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