I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
