She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
