i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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