he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
