You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this just has baby written all over it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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