You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
