Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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