you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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