My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
