The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
