You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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