I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
