Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
