I just threw up on my dentist
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
