I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
