I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
