I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
