im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
