I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
