Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
