How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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